the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
