How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
