Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
