and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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