I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
