I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
