So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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