why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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