I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
