I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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