Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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