it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
