If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
