hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
