Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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