If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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