tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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