Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
