I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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