Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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