so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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