Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
