He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
