I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
