The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
