You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
