Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
