I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
