so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
