I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
