I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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