come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
