Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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