it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
