I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
