yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
