You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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