Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
