you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid