Jerry, you need to find god
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.