i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
