watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
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Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day