so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.