Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.