So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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