Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
time to smoke my breakfast
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
