im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
