I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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