you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
