Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
