i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
