Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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