jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
