I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
