I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
