At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
