my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just high enough for therapy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
