and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
