So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
