Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
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Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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