who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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