I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
