Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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