I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
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well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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