Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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