I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
