this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
