covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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