I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
