i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
