my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
