we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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