i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
