we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just had sex on a roof
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
