We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
