you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
