I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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