Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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