It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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